Sunday, March 27, 2011

27 March 2011, Donavan's brisket of love

11:09 pm right now. Tonight Lilah went right down despite having a bunch of green beans right before bed... Donavan insisted I feed her them because she was stalking him with her eyes while he was devouring grapes, and he knew he could not give her grapes at 6 months old, so he commenced to thawing and feeding her green bean mash  at 7:40pm. I did not say a single word. I delight in his interest in her and know that this next month spent away is going to be heartache, for the both of us. John came home with a webcam from a local thrift store today, and I jumped his case almost right away for buying that type item used. Then felt horrible when he explained that in his nursing studies a small bit about early childhood development stated children younger than 12 months basically forget a parent or loved one when they are absent. ::sob:: He said he couldn’t bear the thought of her forgetting us and that we should Skype every night possible. ( I adore this man my soul mate )…So you must know that when we informed Donavan that we were going to have a baby he was utterly disgusted and said we were “ a fricken embarrassment”. He stated how sick and OLD (I am 37) and disgusting we were, and that he would no longer be seen with us, nor would he ever be seen with “that baby” !! That held up solidly without fail throughout my entire pregnancy and until Lilah turned 4 months old and played a smile on him like he was the most handsome boy on God’s earth….. Now they are inseparable and he holds her and rocks her and tickles her and SINGS to her…I have teared up so many times listening to Donavan talk to her, via our baby monitors throughout the house.

     Last operation (11 months ago) Donavan’s sister Madison and John got him a puppy to encourage him to walk…We won’t be needing anything this year..Lilah will be all the inspiration I bet. He can’t even stand to let her fuss in her crib after a nap, he hurries to grab her up and then that is when I hear him speaking to her in her room. Something like this, “You want to go have some peas, let’s go see if we have any peas Lilah”  “ I Like Peasssss MMmmmm… I’m telling you it melts my heart.

     Tomorrow Donavan has physical therapy again at 1pm.. I have increased his pain meds before pt for the therapist to draw more out of Donavan… problem is they said last Friday that he was not improving and had not significantly  improved in the 3 months we have been going that Donavan has been home from 8th grade. I have carried that with me all weekend worrying. I know once we learned we could book his surgery that I could have cancelled the rest of his pt but I was too scared to stop it. He has worked so incredibly hard, and for hardly anything.. His range of motion is so poor we hardly need the timer for his exercises because he can’t hold a position but for 10-15 seconds before he doubles over in tears; trying his best to hold it in. Donavan is not a crier; this is why I am so disturbed. The therapists are saying to me, will Dr. Standard be able to fix this? When he gets back will he be all better? I sink a bit and tell them that we all have every hope that this reconstruction will set him on the path to greater physical stability and strengthen him for next year’s leg lengthening. This does not answer their questions really, but they leave me alone… Donavan’s femoral head is so severely misshapen that the ball (femoral head) is not inside his hip “cup” and things do not glide proper, they crunch. His last surgery here in S.C. was a left femoral valgus osteotomy. It was not successful. We knew it was not and just cringed afterwards because it took Donavan 2 months in a wheelchair and walker, then 4 months on crutches and a year of constant pt (physical therapy) to walk again with confidence. That was 7th grade, he had an anxiety attack at open house for the school and he had to begin school that year as the new kid from Texas, (age 13) on crutches. We had to forcibly take his crutches and hide them from him, because he feared falling and breaking his hip so much that he refused to try and walk. It was such a tumultuous year, 13 and new to S.C. new kid in school. Kids were cruel to him in ways I couldn’t nightmare about, but that’s an entirely different subject.

     Donavan has learned in the past year to enjoy eating healthy and to walk whenever able. This past 3 months at home immobilized in pain, has been hell on him. He longs to run, jump down from beach embankments and bend without hurting. The leg lengthening is last and he understands why. It’s a very long process to change your body with surgery when you are still growing like a weed.

     To brighten Donavan’s week before we leave I dug a brisket out of the freezer that I had been saving for a special occasion. Donavan adores brisket, his grandmother used to make it for him in Terrell.  I learned from her and try my best (wink !) We had the grill all prepared and I was rushing about trying to feed Lilah and help John get ready for a dump run, when he saw me heading towards the grill with the brisket, ready to throw her on for a sear when he exclaimed “ What are you doing!?”….. I told him get out of my way the brisket was heavy and what did he mean what was I doing??? I was going to put the brisket on!! He said “You CANT grill brisket without TINFOIL”…. HahahHAhahaaaaa….. His grandma Bev (paternal grandmother) used to tent the brisket in heavy foil to trap smoke. I didn’t have time to do that today people. But I saw in his eyes how serious he was and that little request made all the difference tonight when I watched him enjoy it. Four days and a wake up until we leave. Goodnight C:

If you have noticed that all the pics I post of Donavan, are in a Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Guinness or Beatles black t-shirt….that’s because he will ONLY wear those shirts out of all he has..So I wash constantly. I didn’t want anyone to think we don’t wash. Lol.