12 April 2011, Esprit de PT

I thought I would add this photo of the smiley face on Donavan's left knee before it disappears.. Its the smiley doctor Standard drew on him right before surgery in the OR waiting exam room. All surgeons do this, they or their OR staff mark the ankle, leg or whichever thing they will be operating on... Doctor Standard is just a happy and creative mind so he draws a happy face. I wanted to capture it while its still smiling up at me as I am desperately trying to brace it and move it and manipulate it in and out of the bed,from walker to wheelchair and around everywhere..Tomorrow at 9:30 pm it will be one weeks time since Donavans surgery already. Its almost impossible for myself to believe that we were just released yesterday! We have gone through so much already.

     The second photo is of the current equipment we are working with... the CPM (continuous passive motion machine) is the contraption that you lay on the bed and Donavan must have his L leg up into every other 4 hours of the day. It gets strapped in and then lifts up and then extends out very slowly. When he is not in it, he is braced. The long blue dog collar looking thing is a leg lifter. I only have me to help him now and that's about a person short to do actually what I must safely and effectively, so they gave us the "lifter", it scares Donavan horribly because he feels like his leg is going to fall when he is lifting his foot with it. He lifts and I try to pry the CPM (which weighs about 12-15 lbs) underneath his L leg. Walker to use to go from bed to wheelchair, wheelchair to get anywhere:) Today first thing in the morning Donavan was brighter and trying so hard to psych himself up for the physical therapy eval..he said "Mum you don't have to tell them to back off, I am going to do whatever they need". He meant it with all his heart, before we got there:( It was gutting to see him whimper and not really be able to say much at all because he was there for a reason. They needed to measure every aspect of his ROM (range of motion). This gives us a starting point to be able to map his progress at a later date when we return to S.C. to continue PT. Also his range of motion can tell us if the new blood supply that was created in his hip is thriving or not... Donavan sat in his chair while the girl introduced herself and proceeded to tell him he would need to be up upon the large exam table in front of us. He said " Are you serious!" We were there an hour and 10 mins and in that time I wanted to cry myself, for him over and over.. When finished he said to me, "Just take me back to the HP and put me to sleep mum, please." :( We are past the point of him being almost incapacitated with all the pain meds 24/7..not its actual scheduled pain management and that's very very difficult. Especially when your striving for improvement and strengthening. The anxiety med I am finding is really making a difference in his angst.. Donavan is so young to feel so helpless and powerless and hopeless! I have included this photo of him after PT was finished today. It says it all. I love this manchild more than life and will push him only for his own good! But it kills me over and over. Goodnight C: